The Diary of Miss Hermione Granger
by Reshima Skynight
Summary: The brilliant Miss Granger decides to keep a diary. But within these pages, it shows that she is not so brilliant after all. She has problems which include third eyes, small breasts, not-long-enough-legs, and most of all... a certain REDHEAD.


My life is over. Professor McGonagall just gave me my Transfiguration exam back and I had gotten _three _points off in the short answer section. Do you know what that could do to my grade?! No, actually you don't. You are a diary. And you, unlike me, do not have a brain. And you, unlike me, are not brilliant. So there.

But those three points have just ruined me. I think I may have to go drown myself in the lake and serve as food to the giant squid.

Nobody will miss me.

* * *

No, I think I might have to stay. Harry and Ron would not survive school without me. Especially Ron. Have you seen his grades lately? Well, actually, no you haven't. But I'll tell you. He got a _D _in Potions. _D _for _Dreadful_. I would really drown myself if I ever got a grade like that. It's grotesque! Immensely terrible and grotesque!

I got a letter from Viktor in the mail. Ron got a bit huffy with me and told me that Viktor was nothing but a grouchy git who has nothing but Quidditch going for him.

Honestly! And Ron used to idolize him (and probably still does).

Anyway, Ron can be so annoying sometimes. I told him that Viktor Krum was mature and gentlemanly, much unlike a certain redhead I know. Ron's ears turned red and he shouted at me, "I don't know about him but I'm gentle _and _manly at the same time!" Then he stomped up to the boys' dormitory.

"Oh hell, Hermione. You didn't have to do that," Harry gave me a look. "What'd you go and do that for?"

"If only Ronald weren't so touchy whenever Viktor would write to me, then I wouldn't have to snap!" I answered.

"Do you _know _why he's touchy?" Harry said irritably and he stomped up the stairs after Ron.

And yes, I know why he's touchy. Ron Weasley is a possessive and selfish boy. He's also very immature. He even gets angry when Ginny gets a boyfriend. Well… I can see the point in that one. But I'm a different case because I'm not his sister. Boys can be so sensitive towards the wrong things.

* * *

Ron and I did not speak all morning. Serves him right. I'm angry with him! Always prying into my personal life. What's it to him if I write Viktor? It's not like I've already planned to marry Viktor. Maybe I should give Ron a fright and say, "Oh yes… we're going to announce our engagement any day now… Would you like to be 'Best Man', Ron?"

At least Harry is being normal about it. Why can't Ron be like Harry and just stay out of my business? Is that so hard? Me, being the only girl in their little group, should have a little privacy. They have their manly bonding going on, so I believe I should have some time to myself. I could really use some girl friends… Ginny is quite nice to be around. But other than that, the girls in my year just don't seem to care…

* * *

I received an "Outstanding" in Charms. I really am a genius.

* * *

Why can't Snape just _let _me answer his questions for once! Considering that I am the only person who ever raises their hand in that class. Oh, honestly! He's just looking for ways to avoid giving Gryffindor points. As Ron would say, "That _git_."

* * *

I found this _amazing _book on ancient runes. It's completely and utterly fabulous! But of course, I just picked it up for a bit of light reading. It's only 987 pages after all. Harry and Ron looked at me as if I were crazy. Which I'm not!

* * *

Am I crazy?

* * *

No. I'm not. _They're _crazy. Crazy for not reading that book. It's magnificent.

* * *

Picked up another book. It's called _Spells and Potions for the Magical Prodigy_. And I, of course, am a prodigy. Right? I'll try out some potions right now!

* * *

Ho hum… I think that potion went rather well. It was the quickest to do after all. It was a little risky, but I decided to do it. It was called the Eden Potion and it's suppose to make me strikingly beautiful. I can feel the changes already…

* * *

I haven't looked in the mirror yet, but I've decided to give my new look a test drive. I walked out to the common room with a new confidence that I had never felt before. I was excited! I couldn't wait to see the reaction on Harry and Ron's faces…

* * *

Those two just gawked at me. Their mouths just fell open and they just stared and stared.

"Hermione…" Ron croaked. "What did you do?"

Harry couldn't even speak.

"Do I look all right?" I smiled.

They continued to stare as if I had a third eye. They were probably stunned at my newly gained beauty.

* * *

… Oh no.

* * *

Something went wrong in the potion…

* * *

It's horrid…

* * *

I think I may have to really kill myself.

* * *

Maybe I'll hopefully die of embarrassment.

* * *

…I have a third eye…

* * *

…And it's on my forehead.

* * *

It looks like a winking pimple…

* * *

I ran back downstairs with a hand covering my unwanted eye.

"Why did you just _gawk _at me without saying _anything_?!" I wailed at Harry and Ron who didn't say anything because they were too busy _gawking_. "I… I don't know how to reverse this!"

"B-but… I'm sure there's a counterspell in some books in the… library…" Ron said, his eyes glued to my forehead. "Can I see it again?"

"No." I said icily. "And I don't think I can go down to the library looking like a disfigured Cyclops!"

"But Hermione," Harry's eyebrows furrowed together. "How did you get around to… adding on that eye?"

So I told them everything. About wanting to make myself prettier and the Eden Potion. Then Ron broke out into laughter. He clutched onto his stomach and doubled over.

"You… you're crazy!" Ron said in between huge gasps as he wiped his eyes. "Y-you tried to make yourself prettier… and so you got that eye… Oh Lord…"

That's when I burst into tears.

"You insensitive prat!" I shouted. "I come down here trying to get some consolation, and instead, I get made fun of!" Out of my anger, I dropped the hand that was covering my forehead. I think my third eye was crying as well. I could feel the tears running down the bridge of my nose…

"Hermione, he didn't mean to…" Harry tried to say as he gave Ron a sharp look. "_He _just likes to _say _things he doesn't _mean_. _Aren't I right, Ron_?"

"Uh… yeah," Ron said absentmindedly. "I didn't mean it like how you thought I meant it. What I was actually trying to say was—"

"Save it, Ronald!" I interrupted. "I'm going to the infirmary!"

* * *

I pulled off my hat as Madam Pomfrey took one look at me and clicked her tongue.

"The Eden Potion," she said without even having to ask me. "Always goes wrong."

I just whimpered as I tried to cover the horrid eye with my hand.

"It's not as bad as the other cases, dear," she said soothingly. "One young witch had a foot growing out of her cheek…"

* * *

I walked back to the common room and was greeted by none other than Mr. Insensitive.

"Managed to get that eye off, did you?" he said.

"Well obviously, now," I muttered distastefully. "And if you've got nothing else to say, I'll just gather my books and go off to the library. Many things to do… many things to study…"

"Hermione," Ron said in a pained voice. "I didn't mean to laugh at you. It just was quite funny, your third eye…"

"Are you done?" I wanted to hex him.

But this is what he said next. It really got to me, "No, what I really wanted to say was that there really is no need for that Eden Potion."

"Please don't poke any more fun at me, Ronald."

"I mean it, Hermione!" he said with utmost sincerity. "I don't think you're ugly at all. At least you're not Eloise Midgen. Her acne reminds me of miniature mountains…" it seemed as if his thoughts trailed off for a while as he gave a shudder. "Now _that's _ugly."

"That's not very nice."

"I'm just saying…" he continued on. "I laughed because I thought you were crazy for taking that potion. And I'm saying it as a friend and as a boy… I don't think you're ugly. At all. So… yeah." After that, he seemed a bit lost for words. I thought I saw his ears turn a bit red.

"Fine," I said promptly, trying to conceal a smile. "What a wonderful thing to know that you don't think I'm ugly."

Ron nodded as if that settled everything, "Let's head down to dinner, shall we? Harry already went."

I turned my head so he wouldn't see me blush furiously as he stepped aside to let me go through the portrait hole first.


End file.
